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I can't remember a time where I didn't struggle with body image. Growing up, it was like I was never able to wear the "cool clothes" my friends wore. I had to shop in the junior’s section way before any of my friends and I don't think I was ever really happy. It wasn't that I thought I was fat, I knew it. Which was worse.
I dreaded summer. Swimsuit shopping was the absolute worst. The part of me dying to be popular wanted a bikini and the practical part of me knew it wasn't possible. But at 13, of course this meant my life was over. My friends told me I looked fine, but by the time I was 16 I started dieting.
It worked...kind of. It worked in the sense that I lost weight, but my relationship with food was wrong. I worked out to eat. Not to say there is anything wrong with this, but I justified what I ate based on how hard I worked. Nothing was off limits and when I thought I didn't deserve something, I overindulged. Every single time. It was heartbreaking. More than being overweight, more than struggling to keep my weight off or under control, it was my image of food and my image of myself that needed help.
Being healthy and fit means nothing unless you believe in yourself. Without a positive self-image, I don't think anyone can ever really be happy. Which brings me to one of the reasons why I am here:
Even years later, at 28 years old, I am still trying to figure out this image of myself. What will make me happy? Is it a specific number on the scale? A dress size? How fast I can run a mile? And if I reach any of these tangible goals, will I actually be happy?
I struggle every day to find that balance. I know how it feels to feel like you will never make it. That pain that can so suddenly creep in. I have had the dress not zip up even though it fit a month ago when you bought it. And I have had the elation of clothing being too big. It is a rollercoaster of emotions. I want to help others on this journey because I know you cannot do it alone. You need someone beside you to cheer you on when you want it and to be there to listen to you when you cry. And sometimes, you just need someone you just know is there, whenever and wherever you need them.